Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
People in love make me want to vomit
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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