I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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