trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize