I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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