NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
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while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
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Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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