I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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