i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
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Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
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He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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