Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
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Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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