Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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