I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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