Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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