I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize