You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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