Ambien. No doubt about it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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