My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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