So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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