Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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