I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
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I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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