just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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