the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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