We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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