So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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