I only kidnapped one of them. chill
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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