I just made out with a guy for $7.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
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What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
its liver damage thursday
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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