Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.

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(513): I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House. http://tfl.nu/zhy5

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen

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(978): Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen http://tfl.nu/ycl6

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.

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(651): I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen. http://tfl.nu/ni4j

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(217): View more from Illinois

You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk

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(217): You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk http://tfl.nu/jf67

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(614): View more from Ohio

I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

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(614): I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help. http://tfl.nu/rixg

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(917): View more from New York City

you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues

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(917): you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues http://tfl.nu/bwbh

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.

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(828): Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy. http://tfl.nu/roru

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(253): View more from Washington

thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.

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(253): thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever. http://tfl.nu/km2f

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.

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(715): I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk. http://tfl.nu/px56

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(734): View more from Michigan

I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.

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(734): I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel. http://tfl.nu/6ex0

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(972): View more from Texas

honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa

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(972): honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa http://tfl.nu/ld2g

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(518): View more from New York

It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.

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(518): It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips. http://tfl.nu/uv9b

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(518): View more from New York

Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that

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(518): Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that http://tfl.nu/9wbc

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.

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(202): I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control. http://tfl.nu/1mo8

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila

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(267): At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila http://tfl.nu/iq3c

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