his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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