Will you blow on my dice?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize