3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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