Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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