so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
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You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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