i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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