I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
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im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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