just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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