I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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