i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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