I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
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Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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