Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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