Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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