I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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