i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize