what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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