oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize