would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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