it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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