I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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