Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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