Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize