Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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