I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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