I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize